You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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