Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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