He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
