we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize