lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
