Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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