ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
