Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
