Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
