You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
