we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
