worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
