so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
