when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
