just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
