Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
