I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
