3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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