Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
