WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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