dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
