I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize