Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
