Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
