I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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