she smelled like a LAN party
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
