apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
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