I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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