Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
