You really coming over, don't trick.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
