Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
