if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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