I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Drunk is not a location!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
