apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize