May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
