walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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