Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
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