If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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