I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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