That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
