He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
