smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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