Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
