I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
