So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
