So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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