census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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