dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
