You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
