mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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