Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize