And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
