a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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