I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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