and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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