Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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