I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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