we have officially lost it.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
