I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
