hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
