I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Mom said you looked used
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
