i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
