where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
