How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
