so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
