i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
