I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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