One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize