One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
