All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
