Pregnant stripper...not hot.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
