We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
