he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
