Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
