just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
