he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Randomize
