Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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