checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
