No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
