The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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