i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
