After last night, I could never be a politician.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
