i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
