I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
