are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
