I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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