You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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