Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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