Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
