So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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