I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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