ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
