Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize