I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
