i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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