Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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