Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
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