He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
